i don’t know why i’m awake. probably because i haven’t finished my micro homework and i feel like if i stay up a little longer i’ll have to urge to actually do it. i most likely won’t… so i’ll probably try to wake up early and do it. but anyways, today’s got me thinking about a couple things too. i kind of realized how i’ve made my hair some sort of security blanket for myself for a majority of my life and now that i don’t have it i feel really weird. i still can’t seem to let it go and i feel like it’s so surreal. yea yea yea call me annoying all you want about me obsessing over my hair, but that’s the only thing i physically liked about myself in the first place and now it’s gone. what can i do now? i’m definitely not getting a weave.. fuck that fake shit! which leads me into a different topic. i’m thinking of getting a lifetime membership and i’ll most likely pull through with it. i want to buy some new running shoes and work out clothes too just to give me that extra hype and motivation i need. i’m also gonna start dieting better again (the hardest thing to do in losing weight). hopefully all of this will actually happen and that i stick with it for once. this summer was pretty good and i just let myself go as always, but i’m hoping this time will be different and by the time i lose the weight i want hopefully my hair will be at the right length as well! or maybe i’ll be content with this stupid short hair when i’m finally content with my overall body. call me superficial or shallow (whichever you’d like to call it) for saying that “i want to look like this” or “i want to look like that”. don’t we all to a certain extent?

okay enough of this rant. i just wanted to let out a couple things. good night!